Let's be honest: life is too short to hang around people who drain your energy. You know the type—consistently negative, critical, or exhausting to be around. Yet, we're called to love them unconditionally. Sigh. That's easier said than done, right?
So, how do we love people while also protecting our peace? I have been on a journey to learn how to distance myself from negativity without feeling guilty. Let's talk!
The Moment It Hit Me: I Needed Boundaries
A few years ago, I had a friend named Catherine. Catherine was one of those people who always had something to complain about. Whether it was her job, relationships, or even the weather, she had a way of finding the negative in everything. I mean, seriously? I wanted to be there for her—honestly, I did. But every time we talked, I felt drained. It wasn't just a bad day here or there; it was an ongoing pattern. It was so exhausting. Sigh.
It finally hit me one afternoon after we had a particularly draining conversation. I hung up the phone and just felt... heavy. I had a headache, and my mood had shifted entirely. It was like all her negativity had transferred to me. That's when I knew I needed to set some boundaries.
Pro tip: If you need a nap after talking to someone, it's probably time to rethink that relationship.
Loving from a Distance
Now, here's where it gets tricky. As Christians, we're called to love one another (John 13:34), including the difficult people. But loving someone doesn't mean you have to let them drain your joy. It's possible to love someone and still create some space for yourself.
Here’s what I did: I started limiting my interactions with Catherine. I didn’t cut her out completely, but I was more intentional about when and how often we spoke. Instead of answering every single call, I would text back or schedule a time when I felt more prepared to talk. And you know what? It made a huge difference. I was able to maintain my peace without feeling like I was abandoning her.
That's where Philippians 4:7 comes in. It says, "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." For me, that peace came when I set healthy boundaries. I still loved Catherine, but I also loved myself enough to protect my emotional well-being.
Guilt? Yeah, That'll Happen
At first, I felt guilty for not being available 24/7. I wondered, "Am I being a bad friend?" But then, like lightning, it struck me: even Jesus had boundaries. Sometimes, He withdrew from the crowds to pray and recharge (Luke 5:16). If the Son of God needed alone time, why wouldn't I?
Remember that creating space doesn't mean you're rejecting the person; it means you're prioritizing your health. In fact, I found that when I was less drained, I could be a better friend. I had more patience, kindness, and love to offer.
Pro tip: You can't pour from an empty cup. So don't be afraid to refill it!
Letting Go of the Need to "Fix" People
Here's a hard truth I had to swallow: I couldn't change Catherine. No matter how much I tried to encourage her or offer solutions, she would continue seeing the world through her lens. And that's okay! It's not our job to "fix" people—our job is to love them where they're at.
1 Corinthians 13:7 reminds us that love "always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." That doesn't mean we must fix every problem; it means we offer support and hope, even when the person doesn't change. I needed to find sustainable ways to support Catherine that would benefit both of us.
A Few Lessons I've Learned Along the Way
Boundaries are a form of love: They protect you and the other person from resentment.
It's okay to limit who has access to your time and energy: Just because you love someone doesn't mean they get unlimited access to you.
Guilt is normal: Don't let it trick you into thinking you're doing something wrong by taking care of yourself.
You can love from a distance: Sometimes, the best way to love someone is to give them space.
Wrapping It Up
Separating yourself from negative people doesn't mean you stop loving them. It just means you love them in a way that also takes care of you. As someone once said, "You can't keep dancing with the devil and wonder why you're still in hell." (Okay, maybe that's a bit dramatic, but you get the point.)
By creating healthy boundaries, you're protecting your peace and ensuring you can love others more fully and unconditionally. And really, isn't that what we're all aiming for?
So, next time you find yourself in a relationship draining your energy, don't be afraid to take a step back. Remember, it's possible to love someone with all your heart—just from a bit of a distance.
Janette Owens is the founder of Be Inspired For Real and owner of Be Inspired For Real LLC. She loves everything inspirational and has spent most of her life inspiring and motivating others through humor, prose, exhortation, and God's grace. Janette is the author of A Swan Song, an intimate collection of poems and short stories. Janette lives just outside of Memphis, Tennessee.
Share your experiences and tips on setting boundaries with friends and loved ones while maintaining peace and love. I'd love to hear how you navigate loving from a distance!
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